Remember that temper tantrum I didn’t want to have the other day because I thought it would be frowned upon – well today I had it.  The last few days of whining and talking back coupled with the constant bickering between my kids sent me clear over the edge and I lost it.  The “patience well” that I had alluded to in my prior blog was beyond dry.  There was no reserve left.  While I was yelling, a little voice in my head kept telling me to stop and breathe, but I was feeling so overwhelmed, so frustrated, and just so angry at their behavior that I snapped.  After my meltdown subsided, I excused myself, went outside on the back deck and just cried and cried at my now overwhelming sense of mother failure.  My kids deserve so much better…What was wrong with me?  Why couldn’t I keep it together?

As I was sitting on my back deck trying to figure out what the hell was going on with me; why I was so irritable and snappish –  it dawned on me…it’s that time of the month and it would seem that my hormones are out of control.  And this isn’t the first time I have felt this way.  Thinking back over the course of the last several months, each month around this time I seem to be overly edgy, overly sensitive, very irritable and quick to anger – more so than the norm.  Could it be that as I am knocking on the door of 40 that my hormones have begun to shift in such a way that they have gone into a tailspin?   The more I thought about it, the more it did seem to explain why I have been feeling the way I have lately.  And it certainly has warranted a discussion with my doctor.

I owe it to my husband and my children to take care of myself so that I can take care of them, be there for them; be the wife and mom that they want, need, and deserve.  I don’t like how I have been feeling for awhile now and if hormones are at the root of my “funk” then I need to make that appointment.  I want to feel like me again ….