A few weeks back, my best friend and I were trying to find some time to get together and squeeze in a quick-lunch in between dropping our children off at school and early pick-ups (on her end – not mine) and our overall busy lives. After throwing around a few days we settled on Friday, only to have to put our plans on hold due to a last-minute glitch with my schedule that arose unexpectedly. While attempting to reschedule our conversation on my end went something like this….
“Well this weekend’s out due to the kids sports – Saturday is soccer, Sunday is football, Monday I have the appraiser coming, a doctor’s appointment and Matty has soccer practice, Tuesday I have to teach and then there is football practice, Wednesday I am working (and missing a soccer game), Thursday I have to return my cable modem to the cable company before they end of penalizing me and Jack has practice, Friday and Saturday (missing another soccer game) I work, Sunday Jack has a football game and we have a wedding to go to, Monday I have a meeting and then I have to meet with the kids orthodontist, Tuesday I work – how about Wednesday?….”
When I went per diem I had this grandiose notion that I was gonna have all the time in the world to get things done and have some semblance of a life; that is, my house would be clean, the laundry would be both done and put away, dinner would be ready and on the table at whatever the required time, I would attach homework time with optimism, I would parent my kids with patience and smiles, I would be there to get my kids to all of their school and sports activities, and if I was lucky enough, I would meet my best friend for some occasional lunches while our kids played. Clearly I needed a knock upside the head with the reality stick because I am ten times busier now than I was when I worked full-time. Which of course begs the question “How in the hell did I manage to do all this when I was working full-time?” While I know the answer to this is that I didn’t (or at least I didn’t do it well) – which is why I went per diem – even in my current role as full-time mommy and per diem nurse, the time constraint challenges are often overwhelming. At the rate I am going I am going to have to pencil in time to go to the bathroom because it just seems as if every moment lately has been accounted for in some way. This constant hustle has left me feeling dissatisfied and irritable. There is currently no balance between all the demands in my life, no reprieve, no moment to breathe…. and due to all of this, everyone is suffering. I envision my life currently like a circus act – more specifically the one where there are all sorts of plates spinning in the air and you need to keep running between poles giving them a twist so as to keep them from crashing to the ground. Somehow, someway, I need to re-evaluate my commitments and make the conscious effort to better prioritize their level of importance or I fear I will never achieve the balance I had initially envisioned. Easier said than done but a necessity none-the-less ….