When you are a working mom you struggle to find that delicate balance between family, work obligations, and life’s general challenges.  Sometimes (okay who am I kidding), most days I feel like I am a robot with a checklist of chores and responsibilities that need to get done or be fulfilled or else chaos will erupt.  And while for the most part each day’s check-list events are very similar, (i.e. get the kids off to school in the morning, do laundry, clean the house, make dinner, assist with homework, get the kids to their sports practices, got to work if it’s a day I am scheduled, etc.) they still aren’t without their unexpected curve balls.  Things as simple as having the kids make their beds and get dressed can turn into monumental meltdowns for no other reason than your kids are “tired and not feeling it.”  And when that happens it can throw a real kink into your ability to move on to the next task.  And forget it if an outside influence occurs that you were not expecting to have to handle that day, or at all, but now you have to respond to and deal with.  That can really end up sending your day sideways – especially if it involves phone calls or adding extra errands to your already busy schedule in an effort to take care of what needs to be taken care of.  At any point in my day I can end up redirected and when that happens – well I am screwed.

It’s ironic but as a mom working per diem, I can’t figure out how I got all this done when I worked full-time because I feel 20 times busier now, then I did then.  And I definitely am about a million times more scattered and disorganized.  Granted I have taken on some additional responsibilities as it pertains to being more involved with my kids and their school-activities, but that still doesn’t account for why I feel less organized.  Of course, my toddler is also 100 times more active now and the ability to contain her has gone out the window (yep, no more pack-n-play corralling and baby gates have got nothing on her), so I definitely know that accomplishing things around the house is both impeded and not happening until after she goes to bed – I mean there is no point cleaning when she’s coming behind you undoing your efforts.  There are days I actually relish working because there is no one in the house to mess it up and my checklist of chores is actually at a minimum.  Sad I know, but true.

So in an effort to maintain a minute level of calm – I blog.  I view it as my creative outlet for my crazy life.  It’s that little bit of time when I can find myself (or at least attempt to find myself) – somewhere between the mommy demands, being a wife, my family needs, my per diem requirements and life’s general nonsense.  Lately I haven’t been able to blog as often as I would like – and it’s certainly not for lack of things to blog about.  It’s really come down to having a limited amount of time combined with being too tired to collect my thoughts much less get them out in a blog.  Yet because of this I am feeling the strain on myself.  I need this blog time, if nothing more but then to have a fleeting moment to decompress and regroup because lord knows no one in my family quite understands all that I juggle; and they certainly don’t want to listen to me rant about it.  In fact, when I rant my kids look at me as if I am a nuts and my husband just can’t understand why I just can’t relax and deal with it.  While I love the man to death, he just doesn’t get that I am just not wired that way.  I have a very hard time not getting worked up about things – but that’s a whole other topic to blog about…..

Anyway, I am committed once again to making the time for me…..for having this creative outlet for my crazy….