Taking a stab at writing a short story ….
Currently I am standing on the precipice of absolute personal devastation and heartbreak. I look back at the path that led me here and it’s fraught with personal flaws, miscommunications, and mistakes. Am I truly what he claims me to be…. overbearing, uptight, and controlling?
I look in the mirror and think – I don’t always like the person looking back at me. I see someone who is at times what he claims me to be. I hate that person. I don’t want to be THAT person and yet, the face looking back at doesn’t lie. When the hell did I become “resting bitch face?” God, what the hell happened to me?
There is no such thing as perfection. It is an unattainable farce, a misrepresentation of reality, a certain recipe for disaster. If I only learned to accept that growing up that then maybe I wouldn’t have become the person I am today. In looking to achieve what is beyond achievable I have managed to destroy what was very real as it relates to my part in all of this.
The love in his eyes is gone – replaced by a vacancy of coldness. I long for the glance that used to send a shiver down my spine, that used to make my heart race, that used to make me break out in a smile…..Instead I see a glance that turns my blood cold, makes my heart lurch in my chest and brings me to tears.
His misery is to much to bear. It only amplifies the failure of what was our path and makes that precipice so much higher. The harder I tried to hold on the more he has pulled away. I scream and I cry and to no avail – my actions only drive him further from me.
It’s cold here on the edge. The wind whips around me while it carries the echoes of our arguments, the hurtful words, the shame, the disappointment. I don’t know how to stop it from spinning and engulfing me. I don’t know how to fix what is beyond repair. I don’t know how to let go of the love I have for him. I sob for the loss of him…..
If only I’d paid attention to the reflection in the mirror for the mirror doesn’t lie….