The spoken word, if conveyed harshly or with malice can do damage well-beyond what can ever be imagined….
Somewhere in the midst of all that life throws at you, my husband and I fell victim to daily stressors, personal insecurities, patterned behaviors, and reaction legacies and stopped being the loving couple we started out as. Over time, all that we had created together began to fall apart, and our ability to communicate with one another completely broke down. Loving words were replaced with those that were less than kind. As a family unit we were coming apart at the seams. As a couple we began to coexist, nothing more. With resentment building, and fueling our downward spiral we are now at a crossroads in our marriage – either try to repair the damage or go our separate ways.
We’ve chose to try and fix what we’ve broke and I hope to God that we will come out on the other side of this mess, together and stronger as a couple. Yet I would be naive to think that there is a simple fix to this whole situation. Our issues are full of complexities that I don’t even know how to begin to work through. We’ve chosen to go to counseling and I am optimistic that a neutral third person can offer us some insight so as to find some common middle ground. But to fix this is going to take hard work and commitment – from both of us every day. Words will not be enough to make us whole again. I need for my husband to show me through his actions that he really is invested in saving our marriage and our family. I want to believe in his love for me. I want to see it in his eyes. I want to feel it in his touch. I want to believe that our marriage is not a mistake, that I am not a mistake. I want the man back that made me feel like together we could take on the world. I want my best friend back – the one that made me laugh, dream, and believe that together we were better than we were apart.
But there are no guarantees and that scares the hell out of me…
March 3, 2016 at 5:54 pm
Be encouraged. Sometimes the stresses and busyness of life cause a marriage to not be all that it promised to be. Mix in kids, financial burdens, and a million other things I could name and it will begin to weigh you down. But don’t give up. Trust God and believe that he has joined the two of you together. Take time with each other without the kids. Just hold each other and remember when. Marriage is a choice and constant work. Instead of talking to him, talk with God and He’ll help your husband make the right decision. Sometimes we talk to the wrong person. 😉
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March 4, 2016 at 1:59 am
It really stuck out to me when you said: “I want to believe that our marriage is not a mistake, that I am not a mistake.”
There have been so many times in my own marriage, where I have somehow completely blamed myself for things I had no control over. Like it was somehow my fault he had a bad day at work, or it was my fault something went wrong (with anything really). I have always been one to think the absolute worst, of every possible situation and somehow that has conveyed a feeling that everything is always my fault unless it is something good. I can have moments that I feel proud but I have a really hard time accepting the reality that I am able to make a good decision or that it’s my “fault” something turned out good.
In my own marriage, I feel like I’m always taking the blame, even if it’s not an argument. Even at the lowest part of our marriage, I found myself thinking that I was the mistake, That it was my fault he isn’t showing affection, my fault we were arguing, and my fault we were drifting apart. As crazy as it sounds, when we got pretty close to rock bottom, I felt like it was my fault that he married me ( and not in a good way, lol).Put all that pressure on top of the life of a stay at home mom, thats how big of a mess i was!
Our marriage is still far from perfect, but it’s something we work on every day. I know that quite frankly, it might not be meant to be, but if that time ever comes, I will know for a fact that I gave it everything I had.
I obviously don’t know your whole situation, but you my dear, are in my prayers. I hope you both fight with everything you have to make your marriage work. And in the end, if everything works out and you live happily ever after, I will be so incredibly happy for you. But if the times comes and it’s just not meant to be, I hope you can hold your head high and know you gave it your all 🙂
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