1.  If your kid is going to complain of an earache it’s going to be on a Friday night, after the doctor’s office has closed, when she’s with your mother-in-law (who doesn’t have access to your plethora of essential oils and well-stocked medicine cabinet) all weekend because you are working, and when the earliest you might be able to get her to the doctor is going to be sometime on Monday afternoon (if you’re lucky).
  2. If your kid is going to vomit, they will inevitably do so on the one lone rug you have in your entire house, not on the hardwood floors, the ceramic tile, or even the crappy linoleum.
  3. If your kid is going to get sick it’s inevitable going to be before some type of family vacation planned months in advance, or an important holiday in which you are the host, or a family gathering that you have actually been looking forward to going to for once.
  4. If your kid is going to get sick it is usually going to be on the day when you absolutely have to work and really cannot call out; not the day before when you were off or even the day after when you will be off again.
  5. If your kid is going to get sick you will at least once during your years of motherhood, contemplate loading them up on Tylenol and cold medicine, sending them to school, and seeing how long they can “stick it out” before you get that ominous call from the school nurse.  And if you’re smiling at this, it’s because you at least once during your years of motherhood have done it.