Life is not without it’s lessons – the hard ones, the funny ones, the annoying ones, etc. Every time I turn around it seems as if I am learning something, as both motherhood and being a wife is fraught with these opportunities (haha). When I remember to, I like to share them with those of you who I am sure can relate in some way…. If anything it’s worth a laugh or a sigh of relief that you are not alone in your journey through the perils of family life.
For instance, last week I decided to order myself some golf shirts (yes I golf, not very well but I bravely make a go of it) off a well-known store web site. I picked out three shirts (they were on sale – go me), went to the checkout and that’s when I realized I was going to be charged shipping & handling because I was under the minimum shipping requirement (clearly I wasn’t shopping my Amazon Prime). So I did what any other woman would do – I spent another $70 in merchandise to avoid the $9.95 shipping & handling charge… The morale – Mom is worth the free shipping! (and more clothes)!
My husband snores like a freight train, and it’s even worse when he’s overtired. I’d bought him some of those breathe right nasal strips (which worked amazingly the one and only time he wore them) awhile back yet he always forgets to put one on. Last night he was particularly loud and it was beyond unbearable so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I got one of those babies, slapped it down in the bridge of his nose and held it there for the required “stick” time. He struggled briefly against my efforts to hold it in place – for a quick moment it must have looked as if a crime was taking place – but soon the deed was done. And low and behold it got much quieter and I soon fell asleep. The morale… Mom needs sleep – and will do anything necessary to get it – end of story.
Silence when you have small children is as all mom’s know – SUSPICIOUS!!! When you see the wave of destruction a small child can leave in 20 minutes (hell one minute is sufficient enough) when left to their own devices you will never leave them alone again. However, when they are going non-stop, all-day, every day, some of us are willing to roll the dice and take a gamble. The morale – I will risk 20 minutes of a silence with a 4 1/2 year old for just that – 20 minutes of silence.
I clean on a regular basis. It’s what I do, everyday. I cannot avoid it because then my house will look like a disaster and my husband might say something stupid that would ultimately be grounds for me shooting him. Inevitably when I clean the house a few things almost always occur. Somebody always poops in the freshly cleaned toilet leaving behind evidence of their deed. My husband always wants to shave in the freshly cleaned sink – oh hell no – and I tell him absolutely not and send him outside with a mirror. Somebody will flop down on the couch after I just plumped all the pillows and positioned them just right sending them all over the floor. And somebody will come in the house with mud on their shoes just because. The morale – Why bother? Which to this I have no answer.
The favorite part of my day is when everyone is asleep. Enough said there. There is no morale – it’s just common sense.
I will meal prep all afternoon (and I am not a fan of cooking) a nice spread. There will be the main entree surrounded by multiple sides. Inevitably someone will make a comment like, “I wish this were ________ (fill-in the blank)”, or “you didn’t make ___________ (fill-in the blank) with this?” Or my favorite – “it’s okay.” If I am going slave in the kitchen the better part of the day I don’t want to hear that dinner is just “okay.” Dinner best be described as “Friggin Fabulous.” The morale – Be lucky you are eating (a nice hot meal).
As wives and moms we all are in the same boat. The journey is just a little bit more bearable when you realize that everyone is facing similar challenges, experiencing similar situations, and enduring similar struggles.