I didn’t start out wanting to curse – it just sorta happened over time. Little things became bigger things and as parental frustrations accumulated and I found myself uttering under my breath variations of the “F” word or “F” word phrases on a daily basis. I am quite particular at this moment to “For Fucks Sake” which I probably mutter over 30 times a day. Does this make me a bad mom – maybe to some, but let’s face it – motherhood is far from rainbows and unicorns. In fact most days it’s as if I am the ringmaster in a circus full of wild animals who have forgotten their acts. Between the crappy (pre)teen attitudes, parenting of each other, tattling, talking back, societal disconnect, and general vocal disdain of anything and everything, I find the June Cleaver approach to be completely ineffective. Not that cursing is the answer, it really isn’t, but a well-placed F-bomb can often have the desired effect I am seeking.
I never used to curse. It wasn’t until college that my inner garbage mouth came out after meeting Brenda. Brenda swore like a trucker and somehow rubbed off on me. Cursing became almost a second language – one that I kept in check when needed – until my children entered the independent ages in which defiance and testing boundaries awoke my inner potty mouth. It’s embarrassing to admit that I swear but I would be a little wary of any mom who didn’t at some point let one slip. I am working on dialing it back – you know taking a deep breath and counting to 10 – but it’s not easy when one of my children is always testing my boundaries and seeing how far over the edge they can push me. And lately I am hanging on by a thread. A string of crappy kid behavior over this past weekend resulted in a cloud of obscenities that I am pretty sure will hang over my household for at least the next week. Not my proudest moment – but then again I have quite a few mommy fails these days. I should probably walk away more than I engage but sometimes my mouth moves quicker than my head.
I know I am not alone in this struggle… Some of my best friends have that same cloud hanging over their homes as well. We’re not bad moms because of it but rather we are real, fallible, hard-working women who are just trying to get it all done for our kids. Our patience is tested daily and we stumble and fall as often as we triumph. We strive to set a good example as often as we are the example of what not to be, to do, and to say. We love our children fiercely but will be the first to hold them accountable when they are in the wrong. We also hold ourselves accountable for so much more than we probably should…
So I am a mom who curses… I am human… I am fallible…. I am trying to be a better version of myself for my children each and every day I wake up – but some days it’s really fucking hard…..