Lately I have been stretched to the max and pulled in so many different directions I am spinning. Between issues with my kids, personal stressors, work-life IMbalance, and unexpected life turns I am tapped out, anxiety ridden, irritable, and just down-right exhausted. Quite frankly, I am tired of being the glue, the go-between, and the person who is expected to fix, deal with, and coordinate everything. Just once I want a day to go by where there is no drama; where things magically fall into place by themselves, and where nothing unexpected catches me off guard. For just one day I do not want to have to problem solve, strategically plan, or creatively fix anything.
If your a mom then chances are that this, or some parts of this, are highly relatable. We as mothers are usually the nucleus of it all. We are the first ones up, the last ones to bed and the ones who do it all – all day long. I know there are some fathers out there who this applies to (where traditional roles are reversed), but for the most part the burden falls heavily on the mother with others playing either a supporting role (most fathers) or contributing to the situational angst (hello children and husbands). And while we signed on for this, rest assure we all did so with some idealized view of what we thought our lives would be. Now the reality of what our lives actually are has left us feeling less than satisfied. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children and my husband, however, all the shit that life has thrown at me because of them, from them, and about them – along with all the shit life has thrown at me from every other aspect of my life (job, finances, other stressors) has taken it’s toll. I have few reserves when it comes to decompressing and most of the time they are empty when clearly I need them to be fuller. And while I try to “do for me” so as to replenish myself, regroup, and destress – the rate on that return is far slower than the shit storm of life. So I bend, and I bend, and I bend. And my biggest fear is that I am going to one day break.